


Dummy’s faboulous ideas

by Menatiera



Series: Bingo Fills [28]
Category: Captain America (Movies), Iron Man (Movies), The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Fluffy, Matchmaker Bots, One-Shot, Other, gen - Freeform, mentioned winteriron, possible steve/pepper in the future
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-21
Updated: 2020-04-21
Packaged: 2021-03-02 04:47:01
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 744
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23769472
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Menatiera/pseuds/Menatiera
Summary: Dummy is determined to help the people he cares for. Jarvis is concerned, Bucky is amused.
Relationships: James "Bucky" Barnes & Steve Rogers, James "Bucky" Barnes/Tony Stark
Series: Bingo Fills [28]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1204474
Comments: 9
Kudos: 125
Collections: Bucky Barnes Bingo 2020





	Dummy’s faboulous ideas

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Politzania](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Politzania/gifts).



> Written for the prompt "Matchmaker bots" I got from [Poliz](https://polizwrites.tumblr.com/) on Tumblr. :)
> 
> Also a Bucky Barnes Bingo fill for C5 - Sidekick.  
> Huge huge thanks to [Nashapixie](https://archiveofourown.org/users/nashapixie) and [cpt_winniethepooh](https://archiveofourown.org/users/cpt_winniethepooh) for the betawork and the encouragement I got from them!

“No, DUM-E, I don’t think that is a good idea,” Jarvis said.

The bot responded in a series of beeps, some of them sounding positively frustrated, and Bucky listened, amused, to the half of the conversation that happened in a language he understood. 

“I know you want the best for Ms. Potts, DUM-E.”

It still was amazing to listen to Jarvis, because it was impossible to tell that he wasn’t human. Bucky had heard Siri, and Alexa, and even the limited capacity AI SHIELD used in its buildings, and none of them managed to really sound human. Not to a supersoldier, knock-off serum or not, at least.

DUM-E’s beeps reminded Bucky of R2-D2 from Star Wars. He couldn’t rule out the possibility that Tony was heavily inspired by the on-screen robot when he (probably drunk) coded the heavy lifter robot’s voice modules. Also, in Bucky’s opinion, R2 always sounded like he was censored because of using exclusively swear words of his vocabulary, and DUM-E definitely sounded angry now.

“I know it had a positive outcome last time, but I am obliged to remind you, Sir and Ms Potts have very different personalities, just like James and Captain Rogers have.”

Bucky decided he had heard enough to guess what the conversation was - again - about. He stood up, strode over to DUM-E and patted the strout of the robot affectionately while he looked him in the camera. “Hey, buddy. I hope you don’t plan to lead Steve and Pepper in a supply closet and lock them in?”

The answering beeps were enthusiastic. 

“I’m afraid he took it in his head, yes, James,” Jarvis sighed, more amused than exasperated.

“You’re such a nosy matchmaker,” Bucky laughed.

Jarvis was right - it worked last time. When DUM-E figured out that his Creator Unit would be happier if he was together with Bucky, the bot did everything in his power to herd them closer to each other, both physically and emotionally. He kept Bucky in the workshop, he mixed up their drinks so they should talk while switching, and eventually, he managed to lock them in a storage closet that was barely big enough for them, so they were forced into addressing the elephant in the room. Or the erection in the room. Whatever, it worked.

Bucky still grinned as he recalled the memory, then grinned wider as he imagined the same scenario with Steve and Pepper.

He was sure one of them would die, and his bets were on Pepper surviving. His only question was if Steve died of self-induced heart attack by embarrassment, or by a stiletto punched through his forehead after he opened his mouth.

Not like Pepper didn’t have doe eyes around Steve, but that woman had principles, okay, and Steve was awkward with women on a good day, but when it came to his crushes? Oh god that idiot turned into the proverbial bisexual disaster he really was.

DUM-E dragged Bucky out of his thoughts by a series of excited, imperious beeps.

“Sorry, bud, but Jarvis is right.” He was kind of grateful that since that fiasco with Ultron, Tony seemed necessary to separate the systems of all of his AIs and therefore Jarvis had to talk to the bots out loud just like to people. So Bucky sometimes had the chance to join in on the conversations. And the chance to stop DUM-E from unintentionally killing Steve. “Miss Pepper wouldn’t appreciate your help, believe me. She’s quite self-supporting if she wants something. Where did you get this idea in the first place?”

Jarvis sighed.

“I’m afraid DUM-E watched one too many romantic comedies.”

Bucky snorted. “There’s no such thing as too many romantic comedies,” he clarified, just so Jarvis also knew where Bucky stood, then he turned back to the robot at hand who beeped almost sadly. Almost. Bucky wasn’t fooled for a second, knowing that DUM-E would still go with his plan, stubborn little thing as he was. “Hallmark’s still your favorite, right? Come on, bud, let’s watch some TV together, will ya?”

DUM-E perked up immediately.

“Thought so,” Bucky smiled, leading the way back to the couch he was coming from, looking up at one of Jarvis’s camera. “Jarv, let Tony know about this, okay? Just to be safe.”

It would be a shame to lose his best friend. Also, he wanted to be the one to lock Steve in a closet, with or without Pepper. He also had principles, after all.

**Works inspired by this one:**

  * [[Podfic] Dummy’s faboulous ideas](https://archiveofourown.org/works/26068135) by [Ravin_Pods (Ravin)](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ravin/pseuds/Ravin_Pods)




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